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I packed 50mg mixed with a tiny amount of weed for preparation. Earlier i did 30 mg. I think the dmt comeup is heavily perception based. I think the negative comeup I was experiencing before was fear related. This comeup felt incredibly clean. The dmt is #goodshit.
There was a distinct presence felt the entire time. My visuals were a mix of geometry and inexplicable hallucinations. I felt as if I was passing through a tunnel of sorts throughout the trip, I see what appears to be architecture and defined rooms colored orange and white. This is a very similar “place” ive experienced before on DMT. At one point I was in a partially transluctent room in the stars. The edges where visible by where they bended the light of the surrounding cosmos. Early into my breakthrough I met an entity, who acted as a narrator of sorts for part of the trip. The entity was humorous, and seemed to find my presence humorous. I experienced egodeath, complete oneness with the current moment and all that I was experiencing. The entity seemed amused at my lack of comphrension while going through egodeath. There was an irony in the significance I put in breaking through under the lens of my ego and how much I could absorb directly. The entity told/imparted on me wisdom about the cosmos and the universe and I absorbed it silently. There was a strong sense that the universe is a lot stranger than what we experience. Something Rick and Morty esque like the universe being a computer program that some 5th dimensional being left running on their computer seemed entirely possible. I certainly felt that way as I was seeing this alien world.
As I started to come down I tried to ask about knowledge that I could apply to my life. The being was reproachful, “they always seek personal gain”. I recognized my mistake, which felt incredibly silly to even ask due to the insignificance of my earthly worries. From here, the trip shifted towards a dialogue. I wondered if the being was telling me what I wanted to hear. I started to challenge what the being was saying to me. Not challenge, but try my hardest to analyze what it was saying and hold it to logical scrutiny. I noticed a plot structure in my trip and wondered if the positive feelings it was giving me were a form of wish fulfillment, or at least constructed by my conscience. I found myself feeling unity with the universe, having no fear of death, and having no uncertainty, my beliefs weren’t being contradicted. This is probably because of past experiences. I realized that I was constructing the entire filter of my perception, as long as there was an I there would be that filter. Furthermore, everything that happens in the universe is completely insignificant yet perfectly meaningful.
I thought before that overanalyzing an entity might diminish the effect of the trip. I was incredibly wrong. By engaging the entity, which I think was the embodiment of the trip, I learned so much more than I ever would’ve otherwise. My skepticism brought great joy. My trip changed, I had stepped off a train following a fixed course from start to finish that was predetermined by the person I was when I entered the trip. There is great importance in the truth, in what is. Truth is one of the highest virtues to strive for, and the entity seemed to respect me much more for having asked it questions and remained skeptical than blankly accepting the course of the trip. Then I wondered if the trip was still being constructed by my conscience. Was my questioning scripted in from the beginning of the trip, was it just another part of the trip experience? I thought it was likely, since i already held truth in high regard.
For awhile, after I came back from my breakthrough, I talked to the entity while intermittently meditating. i felt like the trip lasted a long time after I came down, I could sense the entity for at least 10-20 minutes. The entity at one point told me my entire life was a wish fulfillment. I take this to mean that I am determined, driven by needs and desired hardcoded into my brain. It also meant that life was a continuous gift, life is joy in itself.