Tainted Euphoria

MXiPr
Nitrous oxide
utheraptor

Context

Name:
utheraptor
Trip Date:
27. 3. 2021
Age:
24
Setting:
At home
Gender:
Male
Height:
182 cm
Weight:
74 kg
Medications:
Sertraline (50mg, orally)

Substances

Name Dosage Route of Administration
MXiPr 31mg Oral
Nitrous oxide Six 8.4g cartridges/balloons Breathed in

Introduction

Continuous daily use of Sertraline (50mg, orally) and piracetam (1200mg, orally) for a few previous months, stopping the day before this voyage takes place

MXiPr obtained from a trusted vendor, untested; visually looks like a whitish, fine, chalky powder; stored in a gelatine capsule in a freezer for the past months or so
Food-grade nitrous oxide of a famous brand, obtained from a reputable seller

Description

Previous experience with the compounds: A few previous experiences with MXiPr (intranasal), no other experiences with dissociatives at the time apart from a very old experience with ketamine (untested, precise dose not known, but judging by the effects, very low).
Large previous experience with nitrous.
Extensive theoretical knowledge of the compounds and of what they can do.

Set: Slight anxiety going into this experience, which I commonly get when use drugs that I am inexperienced with. A slight feeling of guilt due to me taking drugs instead of working on things that I should be working on.

Setting: At home, initially alone, then in presence of my family members. No dedicated sitter present.

Other: No food consumed in the previous eight hours or so (due to being asleep)

Onset

Onset
12:40 (T + 00:00) :

Dose ingested in a gelatine capsule. I didn’t want to insufflate it due to runny nose, which could potentially mess with absorption.

12:59 (T + 00:19):

Onset definitely ongoing. The visual field seems to be swirling a little bit, and there is some slight nausea. Music is great.

13:04 (T + 00:24):

Stronger onset. The world is swirling slightly, and there seem to be ‘electric’ outlines around certain things. Very mild euphoria, body feels a little light. Feels like it would be good for dancing. Music is really good. Some mild difficulty swallowing - or, rather, manual control over swallowing.

13:08 (T + 00:28):

I am watching one of my large paintings. It’s morphing softly, with the finer details expanding and contracting (now as I am writing this, it stopped and instead the whole painting seems to be moving very subtly). It feels that time is going faster, definitely not like half an hour has already passed since dosing.

13:13 (T + 00:33):

Marked bodily lightness, reminiscent of nitrous experiences. Good mood, though I feel a little worn down, supposedly from not getting enough sleep. Moving my hands and body to the music feels really good, which is an uncommon experience for me. I feel quite strongly high now.

13:17 (T + 00:37):

Rather sudden increase in subjective intensity of the feeling of ‘being stoned’. Marked nausea, but nothing I can’t handle. Typing feels super light, as if the keyboard was something that I am naturally connected with, though I do make many more errors while typing than I would normally do. Body super light.

13:21 (T + 00:41):

Dramatic increase in the feeling of ‘being stoned’ again. I feel very high, on the 4 level definitely. Yep. Definitely super high. Pretty marked physical euphoria, great mood. Attempting to explain the typical hallucinogenic state of ‘edges of the visual field being compressed to the center’ failed. [I assume this was referring to explaining it to someone I was communicating with over a chat.] Seems like I can’t probably explain it here either. Typing is super nice though.

Peak

Peak
13:28 (T + 00:48):

The intensity is increasing more and more. I danced to the music and it was amazing. Balancing on a balancing desk (basically a very unstable sheet of flat wood on top of a cylinder of plywood) was extremely easy to the point that I did not even need to move to balance, I just stood on it in perfect balance… until I fell off, some time later. I feel amused and happy, talking with my brother is great fun. Typing is pleasant in a way in which I would not expect to be possible.

13:43 (T + 01:03):

Music is amazing. Strong euphoria, some dissociation. The world does not seem less real, I don’t feel like an observer. Instead, I feel like I am united with it, like I melted into it (this is more of a description of the mood than of an actual transpersonal effect). Body is very light, moving and dancing is effortless and magnificent. Flailing my arms and legs around is greeaaaaaat. Maybe I should try the nitrous now? Visually there is little changed, but perspective isn’t quite right in a way which is hard to describe, and the world feels compressed and extended at the same time. It’s odd, but in a really good way. Also typing is still super fun.

13:54 (T + 01:15):

Music is still great. My brother showed me some memes (he’s somehow miraculously skilled at finding really good ones), but I really couldn’t understand what was going on in them and they felt needlessly violent and confrontational. I am filled with joy and a strange kind of indifferent empathy. I feel that I really like other people, and thinking about them makes me smile, but I feel like this high is ‘for me’. I shall try the nitrous now, should be interesting. Let’s start with one cartridge.
When cracking the cartridge, I could still feel the cold of it, though it felt somehow distant. I feel stimulated and sedated at the same time. Lying in bed and flailing my limbs around is really nice.

14:10 (T + 01:30):

Some introspection, quite unpleasant. I feel like I am avoiding responsibility by doing drugs, instead of working on a project that I promised my other brother I will work on (even though I can probably get it done this evening or tomorrow anyway). I also skipped a lecture and instead elected to get high, and I guess I feel guilty about it. It feels as if the experience suddenly shifted in nature and became much less intense and euphoric. I still haven’t done the nitrous because I did not feel like it, and now I am not sure if I should, hm.
I think the change in the nature of the experience was brought forth by me unfortunately switching music and by my other brother going home, who I know somehow disapproves of drugs, and whom I also owe said project. Right now, I feel like I am just somewhat sad.

14:31 (T + 01:51):

I think it’s safe to proclaim this a tainted experience by now. The high mostly went away and I am left with what feels kind of like an empathogen crash. I feel sad, and I spent the last twenty minutes or so lying in bed, thinking about my life, my dislike of obligation, my fears of failing school, and my running away from responsibility. I felt like I needed to find ‘happy’ music, but found out that I have no adequately ‘happy’ music in my playlists, and changing it several times did not help much. I feel kind of weak, not physically, but more like existentially. I will try to play some Osu! to see if it helps my mood.
I guess that this is a lesson that I should only do hallucinogens when other people are not around, so that unexpected events don’t intrude into the experience.

15:00 (T + 02:20):

I decided to do some nitrous after all. Initially, I experimented with one cartridge (8.4g), and it felt more like two or three – marked aural distortion, the general high of nitrous. Interestingly, it seemed to bring back the MXiPr high a little bit, and it felt like it ‘salvaged’ the experience, at least partially. Light from the Sun suddenly pouring into the room undoubtedly helped too. Encouraged, I tried inhaling three cartridges back to back, and while it was one of the most intense nitrous experiences that I ever got (I have prior experience with 4-5 cartridges), it felt like it potentiated the MXiPr only very weakly, which is strange. There is marked amnesia about the nitrous experience, and now as I am writing these words, I am actually not sure about the specifics of it. I remember thinking something like ‘lungs are your way of reproducing with the world’ or something, possibly triggered by some strange feeling when inhaling the gas, and I remember that the music sounded very distorted and somewhat ‘geometric’, whatever that means, but that’s about it.
I considered redosing MXiPr, but ultimately decided against it, at least for now. Hints of the sadness still remain, but it feels like it lost its power.

Offset

Offset
Later:

I felt high for the next hour (?) or so, gradually returning back to baseline. At 17:30 (T + 04:50), I was pretty much back to normal, but still feeling a somewhat worn. I spent this time playing games, and far as I can tell, my performance wasn’t improved or impoverished much.

Next day:

Felt entirely normal.

Conclusion / Aftermath

I am not entirely sure what caused the sudden shift in the tone of the experience. Most likely set being worse than I thought, but going into it, though there was some mild anxiety (which I always get when trying substances that I have little experience with), it did not feel like there was going to be much of an issue, and the entire first hour was pure pleasure. The feelings of guilt over avoiding responsibility that I had seem clearly overblown from the sober point of view, so it’s kind of strange to think that there was some unresolved guilt beneath the surface that manifested during the experience, though not impossible.

Now (14. 8. 2021), as I am transcribing this report a few months after this experience, I am eager to try MXiPr again in the future. Clearly the substance has a lot of good to offer. I heard from multiple other psychonauts that the oral administration tends to lead to worse experiences than the intranasal route, so I will probably experience with it intranasally the next time I feel like taking a serotonergic dissociative.