Getting to know Benzydamine

Getting to know Benzydamine

Peak

01:19
Indistinct dry sounds play in the distance for a moment and end just as I become aware of them. Some even fool me into thinking my cat had entered my room, because the noise was exactly the same as the hushed sound my cat's nails make on contact to the hard wood floor. Staring for a few seconds where my desk meets the wall I see a vibrant eletric pink cloud bubbling with smaller dark clouds behind a document binder, which I believed was actually there until illusion ended. The lack of static and bright colors felt of psychedelic nature. I lay in bed on my back with a pillow over my eyes, stiff and trembling from the drug, and put on one of my favorite albums to listen to while zonked out: Ceres & Calypso in the Deep Time. Seconds later, I can see the room, dimly and in monochrome, seemingly through the pillow (so much that I checked twice if it was badly positioned), from the same perspective I'd see it laying down. Attempting to shift my gaze down from the ceiling to inspect this miniature alternate reality seemingly within my pillow would make the vision slip away. I got better at holding the illusion, with a few attempts. Furniture would sometimes switch places, for example, the dark rectangle that is my wardrobe door would become a tall shelf or vice versa. Decorative items and memorabilia on shelves, regardless of being there in reality or not, were a blur that I can only describe as rapidly rearranging cubist[1] version of themselves, an amalgam of overlapping viewpoints of themselves, of related objects and aesthetics. [1] More specifically: https://www.tate.org.uk/art/art-terms/a/analytical-cubism
03:35
Auditory hallucinations indistinguishable from reality revealed themselves as I attempted to meditate. I hear the jingle of a key ring, then a key turning the lock, then once all the pins of the lock have been freed the door swings open with that characteristic, the familiar sound I've heard hundreds of times throughout daily life. I hear muffled steps and, as usual, my cat throttling to the door to greet the visitor. This one fooled me because of how realistic and perfectly timed in sequence the sounds were. Only when I went looking for someone in other parts of the home, did I start to doubt that occurrence. What I find the most interesting about this hallucination is that I could've not heard my cat run to the door, if it wasn't a hallucination. The door is too far away from my room for me to be able to hear that. The first sounds were properly adjusted by the hallucination to fit into the current space I was in, by making the sounds muffled and convincingly distorted by the walls they have to bounce off before reaching me, but the sounds of the cat running were played as if I was close. There seems to be a break of continuity the moment I hear the cat, and that is perhaps why this hallucination didn't progress further. I keep failing to enter a focused meditative state on my breath for long, because I keep being distracted by sudden flashes of fuzzy psychedelic geometry, encompassing all of my vision.

Offset

03:48
(At this point I had already experienced most of the effects this dose can provide. Not much eventful or new enough to report on occurred, hence, my notes grow sparse.) If the duration table on the psychonautwiki is to be believed, I should be peaking, at the earliest, right now, but it seems that the peak was two hours ago, as I don't feel as dizzy and intoxicated as before. The hallucinations continue at the same frequency and strength. Perhaps I've just become accustomed to the physical effects? they're still present if I consciously look for them.
04:28
By now I had grown bored and jaded of trying to induce novel hallucinations, and started to gather my notes into something coherent.
09:27
Hallucinations have noticeably decreased now.
14:26
My heart rate is fast paced and I still feel stimulated and twitchy. I doubt I'll be able to sleep after the next couple of hours, the typical time sleep falls for me. (Later I made a infusion of passiflora, valerian root, and other placebo herbal hypnotics. I considered that no more than 100mg of diphenhydramine would be enough knock me out, but at this time I just wanted ease off to sleep without having to worry about a possible hallucinatory synergy with the lingering effects of benzydamine.)
17h+
Hallucinations have all but subsided by now. I've tried all I could think of to fall sleep, yet failed. Every part of myself wants to doze off but racing thoughts keep me form doing so. I hear birds chirp outside announcing it'll be morning soon, to my desperation. I had been wide-awake in bed for a handful of hours. I give up in the clearly futile effort of falling asleep, and try to pivot the residual stimulation towards tasks I had due and cleaning/housework. Despite me being a bit loopy from not having slept after a deliriant trip, the residual stimulation carried on my day as normal, well past 24 hours since the initial administration. I managed to sleep the next day (34 hours and 50 minutes since the initial administration of benzydamine), which I think marks the definitive end of the drug's effects, hence, the end of this trip report, too.

Conclusion / Aftermath

This first benzydamine trip had been surprisingly lucid, as it didn't impair me, mentally and physically, as profoundly as classical deliriants have before, for an equivalent hallucinosis. Distortions of reality touched on sinister themes, but I never got immersed in their narratives (apart from a couple of brief auditory hallucinations), hence, they held little power over my reality. I had this unwavering curiosity of what amusing situation or strange sensation would face me next, until the hallucinations ceased being novel and I became disinterested. Mixing it with a dissociative should be interesting. Deliriants and dissociatives generally synergize well, covering up the negative effects of each other, although benzydamine is an atypical deliriant (is it the only one? what others exist that we don't know are anticholinergics?). Cardiac effects might be a concern. It wasn't without adverse effects, although: * Hand finger tremors * Increased heartbeat and frequent heart palpitations, which I think could be dangerous if this effect ramps up with dose * Frequent urination and subsequent dehydration. I kept drinking lots of water, but that did not completely alleviate thirst and cotton mouth (although it isn't nearly as bad as anticholinergic deliriants). It seemed to not have been absorbed or made use of by my body, as I'd urinate a concerning large volume of clear urine about one hour later after drinking a cup of water. * Decrease of motor coordination (most noticeable when trying to type) * Loose short term memory, which would derail my train of thought by making me forget what I was thinking seconds ago. * Unwavering insomnia. THE aspect that keeps me from doing this again so soon, I imagine it gets especially torturous after larger doses and more unpleasant trips than mine. If you thought the trip itself made you feel paranoid, wait until you haven't slept 24 hours after the fact. Overall, an interesting experience that I'm excited to explore further in the future. Also, benzydamine trip reports typically mention the substance's unique tracers, I'm disappointed I didn't get any.