Extremely Wreckless drug abuse with my girlfriend
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Josie here, reading through this trip report 8 years later is deeply unsettling. This experience occurred during a period of our lives in which we were both extremely suicidal and coping with that through a combination of romantic codependence and wreckless drug abuse. We are no longer together for reasons that I am not comfortable going into here, but this report honestly just sorta fills me with regret. However, I have decided to leave it here regardless, as it is part of my personal history and therefore part of the history of this project.
I ingested the 50mg of 4-aco-dmt after a full meal and only four total hours of sleep. My short term memory was already malfunctioning due to withdrawling from heavy benzodiazepine use. My girlfriend took the same amount of the drug as me.
I immediately experienced come-up anxiety (like always) and my girlfriend Josie (whom remained with me for the entire trip) reassured me that everything was okay. My experienced got better due to her reassurance and I was soon able to laugh and listen to Psychonautwiki’s good vibes playlist.
I experienced unity and interconnectedness through the majority of the trip.
My body temperature alternated between extremely hot and extremely cold. Whenever I mentioned feeling this particular effect out loud, Josie turned on my fan and pointed it on me until I told her that my temperature was at a comfortable level.
I experienced nausea, but failed to vomit. Several times, I had a reoccuring delusion during this trip that Josie had suddenly died and this caused me to scream. The delusion happened several times during this trip and usually happened when she closed for eyes for several seconds. My delusion was likely a result of my severe short term memory loss. The first time this happened, Josie was simply looking at the ceiling while high and she had to physically stand up and keep talking in order to keep me from slipping into the delusion and screaming. Once, Josie pretended to die to make me laugh.
My girlfriend’s face continued to change and distort; it even started melting at points. Sometimes I saw her as super attractive, but at other points, the visual distortions fucked up her face so much that i was not attracted to her in the slightest. Josie and I cried over how much we truly love one another and discussed how we are both god.
My short-term memory was so terrible that Josie had to write “how’s the short-term memory? 50mg 4-aco-dmt, trippin ballz” onto a piece of paper. She showed me this paper repeatedly every time that I forgot what was going on in the current, external situation (which happened frequently).
As the sun began to set, the room got darker. Josie had to plug in a lamp so that we could continue reading the piece of paper. Plugging in the lamp proved to be difficult during the intoxication and resulted in us two freaking out a bit.
Afterwards, I passed out, lost balance on the floor, and fell over. This experience felt like my body shutting down all of its organs and processes for a couple of seconds and was not pleasant.
My girlfriend’s perspective:
Oskykins fell down onto the carpetted floor in a pretty controlled fashion. She hit her knee, but failed to hit her head or cause any serious damage. I immediately checked on her to see if she was alright. She appeared conscious and responded to me with words. Based on her reaction, she was clearly tripping extremely hard, but was doing fine after the fall.
I physically carried her from the floor onto the bed to keep her safe. She was freaking out hard because she believed that she was going to die soon. I administered some benzodiazepine-infused water of an unknown dosage to her in an attempt to calm her down.
Oskykins was completely convinced that she was on her death bed. She begged me to help her call our friend PJosepherum so that she could see and hear him before she died. We couldn’t get the call to work, unfortunately.
At one point, Oskykins started to salivate as if she were having some kind of fit. I wiped the saliva away and feared for her health. Although I logically knew that I could restrain herfor her own safety until she came down if needed (we had consented this this beforehand), I was extremely scared.
Oskykins suggested that we watch the children’s television show Adventure Time in order to calm down, but it proved to be a sinister episode. I was getting delusional over the show and started sensing messages from Jake’s parents about being a detective with the scenarios always going very wrong. I marvelled at the style and detail of the animation.
At this time, Oskykins pulled out a stopwatch application on her phone which showed we had been tripping for three hours and forty-seven minutes. We were both relieved that this showed the peak being over.
My short-term memory was still severely impaired and I was delusional. I kept repeating several statesments including:
- I wish I could be Oskykins
- I wish I could go back to how things used to be.
- I just want to be able to take showers, go outside, and perform normal human activities that I usually take for granted.
- I wish I could make conversation
My girlfriend reassured me by telling me that I was her favorite person to make conversation with. I became convinced that I was dying and that my organs were shutting down at many points and said “good bye” to Josie. She replied back to me, always, with “hello.”
I experienced internal hallucinations that I was dying in a room with a single candle. At some points, I believed that I had been reincarnated.
As we got further away from our peak, I laid down on the floor with Josie and came to the realization that I wanted to move to the United Kingdom in order to be with my girlfriend and PJosepherum perminently. I wanted us to be able to work on Psychonautwiki in person as I believed that we need to help as many people as possible as a happy triple. I expressed interest working with other communities to continue making a difference. We spoke about the wiki’s IRC channel, the people whom we love, and the people whom we want to meet in the future.
If we simply make helping people our goal, I realized, we cannot go wrong. My girlfriend and I talked about our mothers and decided that we had both “designed it this way ourselves” from the very beginning.
My girlfriend’s perspective:
Oskykins became hyper-intelligent, aware, capable, happy, adorable, and impressive. She started spouting out all of these novel ideas for how we can help people and what we should be doing with our lives. We both discussed our love for each other and PJosepherum as well as ideas for a trip timer which could have a live stop watch which tells the user when they are going to come down from the particular drug.
After coming down from the psychedelic, we both felt like we had gotten extactly what we had needed and felt very refreshed and happy to be alive.