Warm and Arrogant Feeling
|Name||Dosage||Route of Administration|
I avoided reading any trip reports of this substance beforehand, so I would have no specific expectations when I tried it, with the exception of checking PsychonautWiki for a dosage guideline.
Dosed, I wasn’t feeling very tired.
I’d been playing Minecraft since dosing, I noted that I felt the “oh something’s happening” mental switch change.
I noticed mild stimulation, but otherwise kept relaxing in my chair. I’d decided to listen to 80s grunge, new to me but I was really enjoying the energy it had.
I decided to make myself food, turning around to face my bed I noticed the map I have above it was taking on really subtle textures and patterns until I blinked, when it went away again.
Started making myself a BBQ chicken sandwich with leftovers from earlier. I don’t normally feel comfortable handling a knife while on psychs, but I did then. I only had slight perception distortion but I was very clear-headed.
I’m noticing chromatic aberration on my phone screen, and my arms feel almost alien to me, as if they don’t belong to my body. The act of typing itself feels very reminiscent of 4-HO-MiPT to me.
I take a minute to just look at my sandwich on the countertop, the textures over the countertop are all the same pattern mirrored over itself, with the countertop breathing and moving as my sandwich sits like an island on it.
I’m noticing a very definite head high, along with my phone screen and surroundings drifting and breathing, along with slight geometry covering my vision.
Watching my grilled sandwich and tea just breathe as if my food is alive is really interesting, I decided to try eating it.
It felt more like experiencing someone else eating it, I didn’t really taste much but the texture and sound of eating it is interesting, almost echoing around in my mouth. I felt like I couldn’t eat the other half but tried to put myself up for it, and it was the same experience of just watching my arms move to pick it up and put it in my mouth, much more skillfully and coordinated than I felt I could be in the moment.
I noticed that music sounded really great, and I started thinking about my dog who was occupying my spot on my bed. I suddenly felt guilty because I realized I haven’t been making enough time for them and they’ve been on less walks than usual with me, but at the same time felt strangely detached from the feeling of being sad over it, I just let the music wash over me and I decided I’d make up for their lack of walks later.
I stopped doing proper report timestamps from here on out, I was too focused on just living in the moment.
The visuals greatly intensified with the music picking up, as did feeling physically very warm and relaxed, though at this point I wasn’t very aware of my own body except for the feeling of comforting warmth.
I decided to stare at my dog’s curls, quickly becoming enthralled with how they were changing in front of my eyes. Each of their curls looked like a tiny humanoid figure, and when I got closer I saw the figure had figures of itself on each of it’s fingers, and so on. Recursively no matter how close up I got to look. I switched to looking at my arms and saw the figure repeated in the form of a texture all over my skin, with the details of teeth and flesh and gory figures morphing and forming on my skin. I just stared, fascinated that it was now part of me, vaguely remarking that other people would probably find it disturbing to look at but I just felt euphoric.
At this point I felt completely separated from “me”, the person running this awful body, and felt like I could talk completely without a filter, judge people all I wanted, almost arrogant or cocky in a way. I refrained from talking to friends because somewhere in the back of my head I knew that despite however I felt now, I should avoid maybe being brutally honest with people who don’t entirely deserve it. Instead, I took to beating up myself and my terrible habits. I remarked at how painful my back was and how I somehow let myself slouch like that normally, and how poorly I took care of myself. Critiquing how poor my sleep was or how I didn’t stick to my diet and workouts as much as I’d like, almost angry over how easily I let myself brush things off or make excuses to continue this awful cycle of unproductive working and terrible sleep habits, upset that I let myself get into this “just another day” mentality. What kind of a garbage awful person would let themselves fall back into that, let alone why would that person be me? I’m completely feeling the grunge groove and energy get to me, deciding to hold onto the commitments that I want to make now. Fuck the lazy, slacking person I am now, I don’t need them.
All while I’ve been thinking about myself I’ve also been very much just enjoying melting into the music and watching the various geometry and drifting patterns I get. I’m realizing that how I describe things and how I say things comes off as much harsher and more negative than what I actually mean, and how I actually feel. In reality I might be having these unfiltered raw opinions but I’m also having a blast laughing and joking around with friends, one comforted me about my former rabbits but I wasn’t taking anything seriously in the moment, though still appreciative of them. I’m in a really good “fuck you, I’m on top of the world” mood which I very rarely ever experience, and I take the opportunity to go running with my dog. The feeling of the cold air rushing over me while I still feel very warm and head-high feels amazing, I’m almost flying on my feet as it feels someone else is doing the controlling and balance for me while running.
I got home from the run, and over the next half hour I slowly come down from all the aforementioned effects. I enjoy just lying on the grass with my dog, staring at the sky and feeling extremely euphoric. Watching the textures of my arms change into this almost flesh-colored tattoo is wonderful, it points out all of the little imperfections of my body as they get highlighted by the textures, and it makes me appreciate my body so much more because those imperfections are what make us human.
Conclusion / Aftermath
The elevated mood and music enjoyment persists throughout the rest of the day, and I’m incredibly appreciative of this trip, as I did a lot of introspection that I wasn’t expecting to do, along with wanting to go through with the commitments I wanted to make to improve myself. I certainly didn’t expect to learn just how arrogant and brutally honest I could get with people, nor how much my personality could completely change under the influence of something.