T3:00
I’ve felt faint and overall faded for the better part of the last few hours. The tremors and shaking are still enough to interfere with any activity that requires fine motor skill. Nausea and queasiness has been coming in random bouts the entire time, seeming to alternate on and off every 20 minutes or so. Despite what feels like many close calls I do not end up needing to vomit. Open eyed visuals have mostly been slight and only noticeable when focused on. Thought processes had mostly sputtered out now leaving that sense of empty calm, despite the physical agitation. This drug is pleasant, but not particularly deep or interesting. I find myself saying a lot of extraneous stuff and being pointlessly verbose in conversation, speaking in long, rambling tirades, and sending long rambling messages to people.
T3:30
Smoke a lot of cannabis. It seems to calm down some of the bodyload for a bit. I am shaking somewhat less and the nausea seems to have passed. The smoking stokes the flames of my thought however, and what had been smoldering embers was now ignited into a glistening glowering conflagration. The visuals also became more prominent. A text from someone who couldn’t know I was tripping filled me with racing anxious thoughts about how to deal with the situation and the potential bad outcomes, especially in case of them trying to call me. I decided to calm myself down by hiding upstairs in my room. I was feeling so overstimulated that I decided not even to turn the light on and simply lie there in the darkness. Lying down was overall comfortable, at least at first. However, the agitation in my limbs filled me with this looming sense that I should be up and about. The open eyed visuals were more prominent now, appearing as great spiraling checkerboard fractals, rapidly spinning and morphing and pulsing and radiating in the dark, not in any bright colors but in muted cool tones. Everything seemed to have a rippling magenta aura. I became locked in introspection as I was tossing and turning on my bed, struggling to find any one position comfortable for long. My thoughts often turned dark and pessimistic and I was often struggling to reconcile my existence with the amount of suffering others experienced and potential suffering I could experience. My thoughts were always grounded and pragmatic though, and never risked spiraling out of control. I also found myself having to urinate quite frequently, sometimes encountering urinary retention despite this. After going I decided to rejoin my friends downstairs.
T4:15
Some friends come by and smoke. Socializing feels awkward but these are good friends whom I am comfortable with, so it ends up leveling out and feeling okay. I feel tweaked out, like the energy I had previously that I could devote to making verbose conversation had burned away and left me feeling lazy and slurred. Despite this I still physically felt very stimulated and speedy. After they leave, another friend arrives and doses LSD, adding to the collective madness of the setting. My one friend is heavily dissociated and loudly repeating words while my other is content to sit and stare blankly upwards, while yet another seems to be receding from reality all together. We play super smash bros, I find my ability somewhat improved, perhaps due to a faster reflex time and faster, twitchier fine motor movements for pressing buttons.
T4:40
One of my friends who is on LSD and is inexperienced with psychedelics accidentally makes a bit of a mess. I take them upstairs to give them a change of clothes and find they are lapsing in and out of being responsive and that they seem at times entirely unaware of the outside world. They are completely disconnected from reality and any sense of consequence, and that’s when I realize this person needs to be watched over by a sitter. I feel lucid enough to take up the role and also deal with the cleanup of the mess. Somehow I manage to quickly, calmly, and competently accomplish all of this, beyond my expectations of my functionality in any state. I end up having to knock my friend out with benzos and sedatives as their trip seemed to have taken a sour turn and they had wished for it to end quickly. After they are safely asleep I rejoin my other friends downstairs who seem a bit freaked out by what happened. The nausea has returned and is coming in waves again.
T5:20
As the night goes on we all smoke a great deal of cannabis. I am still phasing in and out of intense nausea and despite not having eaten all day I have absolutely zero appetite. I find myself still having to urinate often too. The shaking has not let up either, though I have my motor skills about me enough to roll a blunt by this point. Through the next few hours I feel the familiar pleasant feeling of a psychedelic afterglow, though the physical effects have only barely decreased from peak levels. I can form thoughts more eloquently and make connections better than normal, I feel witty, funny, competent, smart and confident. It feels deep and not superficial, and hanging out with my friends feels great as we joke and laugh all night. I do eventually feel like I have grown exhausting, to myself and others. I end up going to bed very late into the night despite having to wake up somewhat early the next day.
