T0:30
I am pacing and dancing around my room, this is fantastic. I suddenly notice how filthy it is. I notice how much my body wants to move, how I am a mind with this perfectly controllable and highly responsive body at my disposal, how I can be the puppeteer that leads this body to do my absolute bidding. I notice how filthy my living space is- not just the mess strewn about but the actual filth in the carpet, the fact that I haven’t vacuumed this room for a whole year. This bothers me for the first time ever. What proceeds is a manic cleaning fit, literally refusing to afford myself even a second of rest or immobility. I clean up all the mess and organize all of my things, working up a substantial sweat and winding my frail body in the process. I then get to vacuuming every inch of the room, frantically and frenetically dragging the vacuum around the room and cleaning the filth like my life depended on it. It felt so great to do this, simply the knowledge that I managed to finally motivate myself to make my living conditions acceptable. That I not only saw fit to do so, but actually accomplished the task too. My work done, I threw myself onto my bed and breathed myself a sigh of relief in my nice clean room. I imagine this is what Adderall is like for people, only I had wonderful rainbow visuals dancing in the corners of my vision and pulsing through the entire clean space. This is so simultaneously stimulating and relaxing.
T1:10
Woowee doing stuff felt good, especially in contrast to the mind numbing inactivity that occupies most of my time. I want to do stuff, I want to be productive and feel accomplished. I always make excuses to put off tasks but now feels like the time to disregard any excuse and just get stuff done. I decide to go down to my entomology collection in the making and heavily organize all of it. It’s in total disarray as I am not the most organized person and I also procrastinate with all the boring clerical work regarding its upkeep. I go through every bit of it and write up labels for everything I have left unlabeled. This is a huge step and something I had been putting off for many weeks. I get it done in 20 minutes and sit back, wholly satisfied with my work. Visual distortions are light, in no way impeding this work. Mentally I am focused almost to the point of being in a trance. I decide to go outside and collect more insects.
T1:30
I am in my backyard, trying to catch little bees from flowers with tweezers. While my previous experiences with 2C-I gave me increased coordination and control of my body, it seems to be lacking now. My attempts to capture them are largely fruitless (although I get it eventually!). I am getting swarmed by mosquitos, more than I have experienced even in the tropics. They are making a delicious meal of me. I don’t mind at all however. I rationalize that as an entomologist I should get used to incredibly uncomfortable field conditions, and that this is training for what will inevitably be a career of dealing with legions of mosquitos, sweltering heat, bludgeoning humidity and all sorts of other discomforts. It feels good to suffer like this, when I think it will contribute to some greater whole.
T2:00
I go back inside and take some Benadryl to counteract the fact that I am entirely covered in bites. I talk to my friends online. Conversation is excellent, my thoughts flow so smoothly and precisely, and they are guided by a distinct perceptive and empathogenic edge. I am substantially more eloquent and articulate. With previous experiences with 2C-I, it was like my mind was at last in perfect coordination with my body. And now my mind was in perfect coordination with my words. I could express my thoughts cleanly and without any discrepancy between mouth (er … fingers ….) and brain.
T2:45
I smoke a lot of weed from my gravity bong. This kicks things up super high, I lie on my bed and sink into the most intense visual-hallucinatory state I have ever experienced from 2C-I. Time becomes meaningless as I wander a vast library of absurdity in my mind at a leisurely pace. I lose track of everything becoming engrossed in strange chains of thoughts about strange things, and from there the strange associations that generate new strange thoughts about strange things in strange places. It’s so incredibly surreal but feels so natural. I become aware of how totally dissociated from reality me and these thought processes are, yet it still feels so natural, just a total paradigm shift. My mind has accepted these new conditions with open arms, and denies that any other mode of thought could exist. The CEV’s are incredibly mechanical, not even sharp and synthetic but very literally machine like, at times seeming like biomachines with insect legs and at other times being purely geometric pieces moving in unison with one another to make great intricate machines and fields of circuitry. It is like I am being sucked into my head.
