3:50pm
I experienced visual acuity enhancement of the sky and pattern recognition enhancement in the clouds. I looked up and saw an angry god-like figure made of clouds glaring down at me. He looked like the typical Christian white-bearded god and had sharp, pointed ears to show that he was expressing anger. God’s arms were spread wide and around him, also made of clouds, were his angels.
As an agnostic who has little interest in Christianity, I usually do not expect Christian images to come up in my trips. However, throughout this entire trip, my thoughts often turned to Christianity. I was curious to know why the Christian god was glaring angrily down at me/humanity.
A couple days after this trip, I Google imaged “angry god” and came upon Michelangelo’s painting The Creation of the Sun, Moon, and Plants located on the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel. This painting, located on the left side of the page, is similar to what I saw in the clouds, although it has its differences. Cloud-god was facing down towards me, he looked much angrier, there were no male cloud-angels, the female cloud-angels were spread out differently, and I could not see the facial expressions.
So here I am, walking down the street looking up at the Christian god glaring down at me. I think *“I don’t know what you’re trying to tell me, god. I’m not a believer.”* I wasn’t scared of the presence for some reason. During my walk, I felt oddly blessed by the wrathful Christian god and his angels. I had a delusion that god was literally watching me during this trip and teaching me things. I also confirmed that I was indeed god.
At around 4:00 PM I asked the figure in the clouds, *“Why so angry, god?”*
And a voice replied back, *“Yeah, god, why so angry?”*
I thought for a while and replied back *“I am angry because everything is not perfect. I am angry at myself and humanity for giving into evil…”*
After this, I felt a lot better. Things were starting to get trippier and I noticed some little men working inside my brain. I could communicate with them and they would communicate back to me. I asked the little men inside my brain to change my vision to green just for fun. A few seconds later, the colors in my vision shifted to purple.
*“Huh? What happened? I thought you were changing my visuals to green.”* I thought.
*“Why not purple? Everything is already green outside!”* said one of the little men inside my brain.
This was true. I was walking down a very green garden-type area.
Feeling anxiety again, I asked the little men inside my brain if I could stop fear with my mind and if they would help. They said sure and I mentally pictured myself cutting my fear with scissors. I started getting a weird body high after this and wondered if I had accidentally cut the wrong cord inside my body because I was still experiencing fear and my body started to feel weird.
During one of my past trips on 4-aco-dmt, I saw a translucent rhino-dinosaur entity and crossed the street to avoid stepping inside of it. During my current trip, I saw the same entity but this time it leapt in front of me, surprising the shit out of me and causing me to accidentally step inside of it. While I was inside of the rhino-dinosaur entity, more translucent rhino-dinosaur entities appeared around me and I had strange thoughts concerning an Earth that is mind-controlled by invisible rhino-dinosaurs.
4:30pm
My body started getting physically tired. I was also very hot and dehydrated, so I decided to journey back to my house and face my last demon – my housemates. Things felt more and more epic as I got closer to home. I walked into my house and experienced a direct morphing effect. I walked up the stairs and noticed the hallway in front of my room seemed smaller/thinner than usual. I heard my neighbor shuffling around and his door was open. I wanted to quickly sneak into my room before he noticed me because of my social anxiety. The hallway was dark, but I saw that there was enough light to get my key in. When I moved closer to the door, however, the colors shifted and my vision suddenly got darker and I was unable to get my key into the lock. It felt like the shrooms were forcing me to socialize by shifting the colors around it making it impossible for me to open my door and hide.
I walked to the other side of the hallway to the light switch, passed my neighbor (who I had never met before), and turned on the light switch. My neighbor came out of his room. He had his personal furniture and items all over the hallway, so I casually asked him if he was moving out. He replied *“Nope, just cleaning out my closet.”* *“Me too, dude, me too...”* He went back into his room. This is the first time that I have talked to him. Another housemate’s seven year old daughter came up to me in the hallway while I was opening my door and I asked if she would like to paint nails sometime. I agreed to paint nails in a couple days and then walked into my bedroom. I felt as if I had just faced my last demon – my anxiety surrounding my housemates.
I sat on my bed and my focus shifted to deep introspection. I felt like crying but no tears were coming out. I realized that I was very dehydrated and got a glass of orange juice. As soon as I had a drink, the tears flowed out. My crying was quiet at first but then got louder and louder. I thought about everything bad that had happened to me and all of my faults. I cried because I wanted so badly to connect with someone but can’t. I often feel like I am missing a part of me. And that missing this part means that I will never be able to form a deep connection with anyone.