I begged the shroom aliens to kill me
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I took 26mg of 4-aco-dmt alone in my bedroom at 8pm.
In 20 minutes, I was extremely nauseous. I wanted to throw up badly, but I held it in uncomfortably because I didn’t want to throw up the drug before I was sure it was absorbed. I turned off all the lights in my room so that it was pitch black. I then lay down on my bed and closed my eyes.
At 40 minutes in, everything started getting intense. Too intense. I got really scared because I was less than an hour in and already in way over my head. (When I usually trip, the peak happens exactly at three hours. I thought this trip was going to be the same, so I think this is why I freaked out.) I blasted off into hyperspace and it scared the absolute shit out of me. I tried as hard as I could to go with the flow and allow the shroom aliens to do what they wished with my brain chemicals in hyperspace, but I couldn’t stop being so terrified.
It was so fucking overwhelming. I thought about taking my benzos about a hundred times. I wanted to go back to being human, but I knew that I would regret it if I did, so I didn’t. At some points, the shroom aliens were doing strange things to my brain chemicals and showing me things in hyperspace. At other points, I was trying to die in the desert so I wouldn’t be a scared human being in hyperspace anymore. I remember trying to die in the desert and thinking “how long do I have to keep dying for?” I tried to die at least a hundred times (only a couple times were in the desert). It really felt like I was dying.
The entire trip was me trying to let go. I begged and prayed to the shroom gods to allow me to die so I could explore hyperspace without my scared human ego, but it never happened. Or at least I don’t think it did. I should have smoked weed – I think that would have gotten me there, but I was completely overwhelmed, so much that I couldn’t stand up.
Time was moving incredibly slowly the entire time. I kept looking at the time and stopwatch on my phone, wondering when things would start making sense. It felt like all I had left of the human world was my ego and the time. I knew that I would return from hyperspace at the three hour mark and I was just counting down the seconds. I was also begging for the shroom aliens to just kill me and do whatever they wanted to me. I surrendered completely to them hundreds of times, but the terror just would not leave me. I was completely terrified, but I still managed to keep my mind together for the most part, and I knew the entire time that I could end it with a benzo.
Eventually, around an hour and forty minutes, I had to get up to go to the bathroom. The shroom aliens allowed me to go to the bathroom and then when I returned I decided to keep the lights on. I lay down in my bed and then start thinking about what the fuck just happened to me and I start laughing for about five minutes straight.
I remember that I have a voice recorder on my phone, so I turn it on and start recording my thoughts. I’m still tripping heavily, but I’m no longer in hyperspace.