A Hell of a Void
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Ketamine is in large crystal shards. I crush up about 130 mg and snort it. I figure this should be good for a hole. It stings a bit but it’s tolerable.
I am beginning to feel it. This feels as pure as dissociation can get, lacking the giddy colorful psychedelia of MXE, the non-visual mania of 3-MeO-PCP, and the utter weirdness and discomfort of DXM. I am going entirely numb, it’s such a raw unfettered feeling that it almost feels cold.
The peak is beginning now. I am under my covers, I really feel cold but not in an uncomfortable way, it just feels matter of fact. My body feels like it’s just faded away, as though it is now transparent. I put on music that sounds like dissociatives, even when sober. It’s loud and fitting and makes the entire room feel grey. The nature of K is a sort of colorlessness, I’ve noticed it is one of the colder and more greyscale drugs I have taken- it is metallic and sterile. It feels like I’ve turned into cold grey stone. My room looks very far away and unreal, I lose connection to the symbolic and emotional meaning of the objects around me. Everything seems flat and alien.
I’m not going as hard as I want to. I try to stand up, and it’s kinda hard so I crawl over to my desk. I crush up another ~30 mg and rail it down. I am very dissociated and the space around me looks unreal, it boggles my mind that I can touch it and interact with it, because my initial judgment just upon sensing it says otherwise. It all just feels so far away. I crawl back into bed.
Heressss the good stuff. I close my eyes and fall into the hole. This is what I wanted, this is what I’m here for. It’s an immense maroon darkness, incomprehensibly huge. If I want, I can occupy it with objects woven from some subconscious fibers. 3D geometric shapes appear on either sides of me like an alley of monolithic columns and I can zoom through them or around them. Well rather, it feels like I’m sitting still and they are zooming around me. Auditory stimuli still comes in and that seems to color and texture this realm.
And as soon as it begins its over. As much as I try to fade into the space of my closed eyes, there is that irritating feeling of being able to sense my body again. I still have a bunch left and nothing to do for the rest of the day… might as well tap into it. I’m really not sure how I managed to do this, physically. Maybe just sheer willpower to return to the K hole. I crush up the rest and take it down, totaling 250 mg for the experience. Almost instantly it feels like the world has shifted and I have entered back into another realm. This is good, I like where this is going. K feels so cold. I feel like I’ve snorted ice, that this icy numbness is radiating from my sinuses outwards. This is by no means uncomfortable or unpleasant, it just is. It is extremely and fundamentally neutral. It’s a grey overcast day, and I don’t have lights on. The room is glowing a cool grey.
I am in the hole again. Woo. This time, I have a recognizable form. It is not like ego death, it is rather like my ego has transferred to the body and mind of another being. In this case, a large winged insect. With my eyes closed, I feel like I am flitting and flying amongst those same huge monolithic geometric forms in an immense dimness. These forms are hard to distinguish and look and feel vague and foggy. They bear no details to speak of. This world feels like a huge blocky chamber enclosing me, the boundaries of it simply too far to truly sense, though something tells me that they exist and something tells me the form that they take. I flit around as a bug for a good half hour or so. The feeling in my body was like floating as an oil slick on the undulating surface of a pond. I could feel my limbs warp and bend without actually moving.
I am out of the hole. There are definite visuals in the form of sort of smooth interlocking shapes on my ceiling. They are 2 dimensional and static. I am mostly just dissociated and numb now. I laze around on my computer while I come down. I wish I had more to binge on, I bought it all on impulse the night before while on 3-MeO-PCP, and honestly getting more would just be absurdly expensive for me. Another time, another time…
Completely back to baseline.
Conclusion / Aftermath
I don’t dislike K, but like, it just feels cold, grey, dull and boring. K is immensely bleak and the K Hole is just one great void. I really don’t know what the fuss with K is. It’s interesting enough but it’s also pretty expensive and doesn’t last very long. Other dissociatives like MXE trump it on all of these fronts. To each their own I guess though.