T1:00
(linear time kinda falls apart after this)- The world dissolves into pixels, I feel as though I am being pulled by strings like a marionette. I am almost entire anesthetized, the anesthesia feels like fingers gripping and wrapping around me, crawling onto and clutching my face. The closed eye visuals continue to become intense, one visual was a fractalized hand, with a hand on the end of each fingers, repeating into infinity. They vary between being concrete and abstract, another was a red and maroon rushing hyperspace tunnel, a big droopy web in the center of my field of vision. I can feel a bitter cold fire raging in my core. With my eyes open. Everything is shrouded in maroon and green auras. Objects warp and drift and bubble at their edges.
I close my eyes again and it definitely feels like I am in a hole. The MXE hole is characterized by shifting through all variety of places and experiences, it’s like on grand adventure in my head, it’s like inducing dream, with a numbing feeling to my body, a semi-lucid dream spawned from my aesthetic pleasures. My entire existence reduced to a six pointed star, It feels like my body has turned to putty and is being stretched and pulled and rolled in various ways. Or like I am a slick of oil on the surface of a rushing and warbling river. Or it feels like I am just stuck to the blade of a perpetually spinning fan. Or that I am on a train. One of the most common and pleasant is the feeling of being encased in a chamber, and them flying through outer space, it is this essence of flying, my body’s sense of balance and position adjusted accordingly. My entire frame of existence is being shaken and stirred.
Almost all these feelings involve a sense of being weightless or underwater, and this persistent feeling of being sprayed in the face with a hose, but it’s a very warm and numbing stream. I also feel like I am buzzing and vibrating the entire time. At another point I find myself floating in a body of water, towering structures around me, made of interlocking green tendrils under a pulsing blue sun in a black sky. I think about friendship, and how wonderful friends are, and am filled with this glowing warmth and desire for overwhelming platonic relationships. Hm. I feel like I am being deposited like sediment in a turbulent river. It feels like I am being encased in a great warping metal. I have begun to tap into my dream memories, a recurring occurrence with dissociatives. The closed eye space has been primarily taken over by these green tendrils forming into fantastic creatures, sometimes to my will.
