Swimming in the Dextroverse

dissociatives
dxm
introspection
liv

Context

Name:
liv
Trip Date:
2021/03/02
Setting:
Bedroom
Gender:
Nonbinary
Height:
6'3 / 190.5cm
Weight:
~170lbs / ~77kg
Medications:
Cyproterone Acetate, Estradiol

Substances

Name Dosage Route of Administration
DXM 600mg Oral, Syrup

Introduction

This was initially a spontaneous trip, but turned out to be a great experience with lots of introspection, and significantly improved my mood for the weeks afterwards. This trip report was written the morning of, after the comedown of the trip.

Onset

Onset
20:54:

Hopped in vc with a few other people on Discord, decided to play a playlist I had prepared beforehand. I did comment on the fact that I felt nauseous beforehand, probably from food or something which is abnormal, but I felt I would be fine. My headspace when going in wasn’t the greatest, I was quite emotionally wrecked the night prior and still wasn’t feeling too good that day.

21:00:

Started with 50ml of the syrup, which is 150mg of DXM, slowly finishing the remaining 50ml over the course of the next half hour.

21:xx:

Time is very fuzzy from here on out, I remember commenting on how I was feeling more physical euphoria than mental effects and a couple minutes(?) later it hit me much stronger, with a friend in the call telling me to get into bed.

Peak

Peak
22:xx:

By now my vision and coordination is adversely affected, as shown by my typing. Physical euphoria feels really good and I rock back and forth for a while, before deciding to drink some water. Last time I took this much DXM I ended up drinking 4L of water, but this time I was having a really hard time even getting a sip down. I wanted to take another 100ml to have a combined 600mg of DXM, but I was having a hard time drinking that as well, so I ended up pouring the remainder of the robitussin bottle with sparkling water, it helped a little bit. I didn’t end up drinking that water until an hour or so later.

22:xx:

Went to the washroom to pee for the first time, won’t go into too much detail, and it’s about the same experience the next 4 times. I don’t actually understand how I drank enough during the day to go that often over the course of the next couple hours, but oh well. Each time I washed my face with cold water, it felt calming in a way. I couldn’t really feel the water afterwards, though I could touch my face with my hands and feel it was wet. Just had a slight tingling sensation and the droplets of water that I could feel influenced the patterns of the CEVs, which was really interesting. Walking was hard, and because I haven’t seen it described in DXM trip reports before I’d like to go into it. Opening and closing doors is a hit or miss because I simply don’t understand how much effort it takes to open and close it, or more accurately, I feel entirely weightless and doing anything of the sort is entirely effortless. I’d bet a punch from someone on DXM would hurt really hard given just how much you underestimate your strength on it. Hilariously enough, the robowalk is very real and results in having to hold onto something while getting up, and I got into bed by basically throwing myself against it. Not sure which is more of a reason, whether it’s from physical euphoria of enjoying being dizzy from fast movement or from entirely not understanding what weight is.

23:xx:

Just really enjoying the music, listening to the other people in the call talk, but I have a hard time remembering anything that we actually talked about. What stood out to me in reflection was descriptions of CEVs I was having, I vividly remember describing a frog with scales morphing into a snake to the tune of the music, among other things. Later in the evening I started to go off on some tangent about mother nature but didn’t quite get the words out, and I don’t remember what it was about either at this point.

01:04:

The last people in the voice call left, as there weren’t that many people to keep things very interesting. I hopped around a few Discords trying to find a voice chat with people, and eventually gave up and tried to communicate with text, which didn’t go all so well with my coordination. I only have reliable timestamps from now on because of message timestamps, actual time for me is extremely fuzzy and non-linear for the rest of the experience, up until around 09:00.

01:25:

Just rambling on Discord at this point, feeling extremely euphoric and happy. At some point I was poking my cheeks with my fingers because I was in awe of how I didn’t feel anything other than a little tingle. I feel including the next snippet of the conversation is helpful as you can mostly understand it, despite the typos due to lack of coordination. “mother nature takes care of thanplanet” “wzokiankater” “holy shit” “I can likes” “poke mgzeld” “poke” “nnn” “I’m soft” “I want sownwjebe to kiss me” “mm” “maubw” “platinioniclally” “oh my.god I love this to much” “so” “I wish I hadbsowkinw to share it with”

01:49:

At this point, the experience took a sharp turn and really intensified suddenly. Rather than swimming weightlessly on an ocean I was being pulled by a fast current, almost flying. I was entirely relaxed on my bed, but not really aware of my surroundings at all, nor of my own body. I hadn’t really ever felt anything like that before, and it was extremely euphoric and almost calming.

02:00:

I was doing quite a bit of introspection and honestly, it felt like all of my problems were just laid out in front of me and all I had to do was go and tackle them one by one. All the solutions were there for me. Feeling extremely good, extremely happy, I was able to comment on how I felt (“this has kn0cowd me back into emotional [h]armony”), surprisingly enough. I wasn’t as self aware for the most of the trip.

02:19:

I commented on the time distortion, after closing my eyes to watch the picture of a friend’s cat warp and drift for what felt like half an hour, noticing the time had only changed by a minute or so afterwards. At this point I was feeling like I was being propelled through air, entirely weightless yet pinned down at the same time.

Offset

Offset
02:30:

I’m feeling the DXM wear off, I expect to be at the end of the comedown very soon, although it took about another hour, much longer than anticipated. My vision and coordination is well enough to type properly about 15 minutes later. Looking back at the pictures other people sent on Discord there was still a definitely color filter effect on everything, I don’t remember seeing any specific colors and looking back at the pictures feels weird.

02:33:

I notice that my side and chest hurts, chest being normal but not with this type of pain, and a friend asks how much I’ve drank. I realize I’ve only drank a liter of water at most in total, and try to get down more water a couple sips at a time. Lying back down put me back into a really comfortable and happy state, the pain just disappeared again.

02:36:

At this time I kept poking myself, fascinated that I couldn’t feel pain. I’d left a few marks on my cheeks despite other people asking me to be more careful. I also remarked that the person who said “I told you not to earlier” had been there earlier, as I was entirely unaware of who exactly I was actually talking to in the voice chat earlier, presumably too dissociated to recognize their voices.

03:30:

This is when I tell myself I’ll decide to go to sleep, but as always with DXM that proves to be hard. I just enjoy the time being swimming through space with CEVs changing to the music, lying there in bliss without needing to worry about responsibilities or anything else.

05:00:

I finally doze off for a bit, and spend the next hour drifting in and out of consciousness, in an almost sedated, very happy state.

07:15:

Properly decide to get up, realize I’m extremely thirsty and slowly drink some water, as it’s still hard to get fluids down but no longer nauseous. My lips are also painfully dry and cracked, I suppose I’ll have to make more of an effort to drink next time or don’t do DXM while I’m already nauseous, as I believe being nauseous beforehand made it harder to drink water for fear of being too sick.

07:40:

Make some food, had a toast with avocado and tea, took my regular meds with it. The physical fatigue is really noticeable, but I don’t feel that mentally tired.

09:00:

I went out for a walk with my dog, felt less dizzy in the cold air. Also felt less “physically tired” than I did before.

09:25:

I noticed my voice was fairly terrible compared to how it normally would be, I was only in voice calls for a couple hours so I’m leaning towards it being caused by the massive amount of guaifenesin.

12:00:

I’ve noticed the physical fatigue is pretty much gone, I feel extremely relaxed and happy. I just have a wonderful afterglow, which is unique from the other times I’ve taken DXM. This afterglow feels much more sober and just very euphoric and happy.

Conclusion / Aftermath

14:00 - After enough time wasted trying to be productive, I decided to try to write this report for the person who asked when it was still fresh in my mind, but I feel too many details are missing due to just how good the experience was, and due to not being able to remember much of it very well. Text doesn’t really do it justice, the body euphoria was extremely nice, as was feeling like I was floating or swimming at times. I’d like to experience it again in a couple of weeks, and in the meanwhile I’m hoping the dissociation from the experience will help me control dissociation while entirely sober.

I would like to touch on just how nice the entire experience was despite not really talking about current emotion all that much in the report, all in all it was extremely euphoric and warm, put me into a very cuddly mood and I was just overall extremely happy. I was fairly surprised early on how I felt, considering how I had felt earlier I didn’t expect it to pick up my mood by that much, and that feeling extended far into the afterglow. Currently still very content as of 17:18, just taking a lot of time to organize my thoughts and emotions.

During the several hour peak I was very enjoyably dissociated, and I think this is the first time I’ve let myself just entirely let go. Just leave my fate to the metaphorical ocean which I was swimming in.

I was just in pure bliss, entirely relaxed and just enjoying not having to worry about anything, and enjoying being in a sociable and almost stupidly happy state.

I’ve also been really glad to have been able to do reflection on myself, and been more motivated to work on fixing my own problems than I was before, as any form of motivation was a problem before. It also helps to now have all those problems just presented to me like a list to fix and check off one by one, without needing to worry about how much progress I’ve made or not wanting to start because it’s no longer as daunting as it seemed before.

I’d also like to reiterate how words don’t do nearly enough justice to the entire experience, I know it’s something I’ll savor and learn from for quite a while. I’m really happy to have found this substance that works really well for me without negative side effects.