St. Elmo's Fire
|Name||Dosage||Route of Administration|
Dose administered, a fairly large quantity of powder which is very light and fluffy. It stings a good bit initially but this quickly fades to an aching discomfort. After about 1 minute its really not too bad at all. The chalky powder puffs up and coats my sinuses and throat, it has a familiar acrid odor more reminiscent of tryptamines than arylcyclohexylamines.
This comes on fast. I was going to roll a joint and settle in but I am already feeling manic and wobbly and numb at my fingertips. My entire body feels floaty and light and slowly losing my equilibrium. I feel kind of queasy, not the painful aching nausea that comes with psychedelics but a sort of motion sickness queasiness. It’s coming on so quickly that I feel like I need to stop and catch my breath.
After the initial rush, it’s building more slowly now, but the sense of dissociation is steadily burgeoning. I begin to feel pressure on my head, like I’m wearing a tight hat. My entire body feels wavy and queasy like an oil slick on the surface of rippling water. It feels like I am being enveloped in gelatinous tentacles that numb my body to its core as they enshrine it. As my familiar sense of familiar being seeps away, the gaps in my perception are filled with a sense of being gooey and fluid. I light up the joint that I managed to roll.
This experience feels so floaty and ‘wet’, as though every part of me is flowing like a liquid. There is also a great sense of pressure- I feel like I’m being sucked into myself, the boundaries of my flesh are being pulled inwards or being pressed into the core of my being. The descent into liquid dissociation grows more and more by the moment, distinctly punctuated with the addition of cannabis. A more mature dissociation feels like its creeping in for a grand crescendo, coming in increasingly intense waves.
It’s beginning to hit in earnest now. I feel cold while also being unsure of what body parts exactly feel cold or where they even are. It’s a sterile clinical sort of dissociation, touched with an abiotic sense of digitization and the cold calculated efficiency of a computer. Visuals begin to distinctly manifest as a brightening of all colors around me, with lighter tones on objects becoming vivid and saturated. It is like the entire world is glistening and glowing with fluorescent technicolor flashes of light. Everything seems to glow with an iridescent aura. Despite the impersonal coldness there is a distinct sense of presence, as though the drug has established itself as another being sharing my space with me. Not a particularly warm or welcoming being however.
The trip so far has a simultaneously radiant and glistening energy like a burning ember and a sense of stillness and emptiness. I can especially feel this from my sinuses as an unpleasant drip begins to harangue me. The glow and aura around everything I can see grows stronger and stronger, almost becoming blinding. I feel like I have to squint to spare myself from their intensity.
With my eyes closed, the visuals present as blocky and triangular, large swatches of color interlocking and zooming around. I don’t feel like I am in a hole, rather I can open my eyes and snap out of it and move if I need to, temporarily breaking the hold the drug has on me. I can get up and walk around and do things and it feels as though the experience has taken a back seat while I do. Nevertheless, if I sit still and focus, it returns in full force. There is still a sense of pressure, like the energy of the drug is literally clutching my brain, though it seems as though I can loosen its grip through sheer willpower. In the white spaces on my computer screen a flashing iridescent honeycomb pattern begins to weave its way inwards. I sink into my bed as a pattern of concentric levels of dissociative pressure stratify discretely outwards from my brain.
This is so bright and colorful! It’s very fun out of pure novelty, though it seems lacking in its own inherent rushing euphoria. I turn my lights off and the darkness becomes dominated by shooting red and blue beams of light, collapsing into static stippling patterns. I feel so energetic and manic, not the sort of “do what you want without consequences” mania that drugs like PCP can impart, but a kind of “You can do so much in so little time” type of mania. Though I don’t particularly want to do anything other than droop and melt and sag and enjoy the flashy visuals and the neon green auras around everything. The experience seems to sit in the background, participating in warping my perceptions when I give it the opportunity to volunteer. It is by no means forceful or uncontrollable, there is no rush or intensity to it. My mental ability also feels dulled and suppressed, I mostly just feel like I am lying here with a blank and empty mind.
I’m radiating energy to the point that the borders of my physical being are evaporating and streaming off, swirling and intermixing with my environment. I feel like my existence is stretched over a corner, stretched over the apex of an angle. I feel so cold yet I am at the same time basking in the warmth of a twisting blazing spitfire of vibrant colors. This feels more anesthetic than most dissociatives- I can hardly detect any sensations on the surface of my skin.
I yank myself up out of it again, I get up and try to walk- my balance highly disturbed, but I am still fairly functional. I lie back down and sink into it again. The intensity seems as though it has begun to level off at a distinct peak. It is loud, flashy, ostentatious, yet gentle and almost impotent. This experience has entirely felt like I am on the precipice of something greater, deeper, and more intense, though the pale has simply not been crossed. There is a glow over the horizon, there is a glow just out of view. I wish I knew how to approach it.
Feel a numbing buzzing in my mouth, like it is being vibrated into nothing. Can’t feel my teeth at all, just a tingling where they should be. I feel like I’m in motion even though I’m lying still, a familiar dissociative symptom. Everything I see with my open eyes is tinted a glowing green now, and my head is rising like an inflating helium balloon. On the smooth and mottled surfaces in my vision is an endless field of textures resembling cells, perfectly interlocked. The extremities and apices of my body glow like St. Elmos fire, casting a ghostly light into the night. The night is a monolithic wriggling and writhing darkness that closes in on me, an unctuous medium that threatens to envelop me in the chaos it contains in cryptic infinitum. Blocks and dark shapes lurk ambiguously at the tingling corners of my vision, moving freely in the nearly-indiscernible static that encroaches inwards on my field of view. My feet feel like yarn, I do not know if I could easily stand up anymore. I can still pull myself out of the experience at will though, at least mentally, which seems to also dampen the sensory effects. But I’m enjoying myself and feel no need to do this. Concentric ripples begin to spread and collide and interfere with one another, filling my vision with their gentle distortion. My notes have become noticeably incoherent and typo-ridden at this point, suggesting an increasing mental and physical impairment.
It somehow becomes even more. I underestimated this compound, it has metamorphosed from a gentle fleeting sort of experience into a more comprehensive hallucinatory dissociative trip. It feels like a brush that has swept my entire existence across the floor in one big smear. It is cold, it is massive yet rises and floats with an incredible evacuative energy like an explosion of helium. There is such an immense pressure enveloping me, my head feels like it’s shaped like a cylinder, and the prevailing sense of the experience becomes one of hollowness, of a great cold void inside of all things, vacuous and breezy like a gaping icy maw in the endless darkness of space. It is a trip that is dense and massive in its emptiness, like a puddle of tar engulfing me in zero gravity.
The closed eye visuals present like great tendrils swirling in a spiral around me. They vibrate across my body, they carry it through time. I feel like I am a brick arch spanning a river. I feel like I am floating on a boat on a very still pond at night, illuminated by the silvery moon, with a distinct chill in the air. The waves of numbness tingle across my body rhythmically as a dense mental dissociation wraps me in its umbral legs like a great spider, my entire sense of self melting and drooping at every point of contact with its slick chitin. It wraps me up and draws me into the abyssal cavern of the empty sky, illuminated by flashes of fiery crackling green. I am still cold and shivering. All of my cells become alight with freezing green fire, casting my form into the void in an atomized jet. The particles rise ever upwards, coalescing into interlocking triangles, amidst a backdrop of collages pulled from my recent memory, sights I saw in my waking day as I walked around the city, interspersed with imaginary landscapes of pinnacles of twisted black rock against a violet night sky. The images collapse into a dense collection of branching fronds that withdraw and recede into the hollow darkness. I am nothing again before the darkness itself collapses back into explosive and frenetic color and energy.
I let myself immerse in the experience. It is nice to have this degree of control. The images are ornate, great green and gold arches woven from swirling immaculate latticework, reminiscent of the shiny exoskeletons of insects. Basking in these images is a blissful paralyzing serenity, one which crawls across the sky in an aurora of blue and violet. The entire experience feels so clean and clear and cogent, despite my heavily dulled mind. I am being tossed about by waves over an immense ocean with my head above water the entire time. It is deep and dark and so comprehensive in its power.
It doesn’t carry the crushing force or the sheer momentum and magnitude that other dissociatives can carry, in my ability the willfully pull myself from the experience , it feels neutered on more derived and fundamental levels and it feels almost virtual. It is a dissociative shell around a great emptiness, it is being weightless in the void as you ripple through its boundaries. I can still get up and walk if I want to it turns out. I venture out into the dark hallway outside of my room and the walls are covered in images in blue relief. They appear as great human faces, though totally alien and soulless like statues. Toothy mouths flash in and out of existence in the darkness. I have been noticeably nauseous for the entire experience.
It loses momentum and begins to collapse. It feels fleshy and awkward and it begins to wheeze and heave as it trips over itself and tumbles down into oblivion. It fades out, though my extremities and joints still feel particularly numb. Iridescent forms flash in and out of the edges of my vision as the dull visuals that populated everything I saw began to recede.
I am just lying completely still. It is very easy to be immobile. The remnants of the trip swirl and dance around me as they fade into the night. Some of the more energetic and manic dissociatives lend a sort of mental acuity on the comedown, but my brain mostly just feels dumb and blank right now. It’s hard to form thoughts or react to things, it just feels totally apathetic and anhedonic.
Mostly just feeling the physical impairment now. I am still unsteady on my feet and feeling very numb and wobbly and cold. I am still getting bits of drip too, even though the experience has mostly phased out. Everything still has a slight coronal glow around it, and everything looks slightly lit from below with subtle green light.
I feel like I am mostly back to baseline. Still feeling slow and dulled.
Definitely entirely back to baseline save for a residual sense of mental dissociation, a slight numbness in my extremities, and a barely discernible loss of equilibrium. These persist to a point of being just barely perceptible until I go to sleep.
Go to sleep without issue. Wake up feeling normal.
Conclusion / Aftermath
Short sweet and intense yet hollow. With any new dissociative that appears on the market, there is a temptation to draw comparisons to the dodo bird of dissociatives, the elusive and much revered MXE. I will say they are hardly comparable. MXPr lacks the weight and force of other arylcyclohexylamines, there seems to be no “core” to it. It feels like a dissociative shell over a great hollow nothingness. It is surprisingly lucid despite its intensity at points, and I found myself able to pull myself in and out of the experience at will. It lacks the euphoric rush of other dissociatives, and while manic at times, it is not the fiery mentally stimulating mania that can be found with the others, it’s a light and floaty sort of mania.
There isn’t as much mental acuity or enhancement or introspection, but rather in line with that hollow feeling, it feels like it instills a sort of dullness and mental impairment, like my brain has become empty too. The physical effects are strong, with noticeably acute anesthesia and loss of balance, though even these can be suppressed with enough focus. It’s hard to say if I was in a hole state or not due to the degree of control I maintained for the entire experience. Later tests with higher doses (up to 100 mg intranasal) proved more difficult to control but it was still possible. Also of note is that it induced nausea to a degree not usually felt with dissociatives. It is also remarkably pretty and visual compared to other dissociatives, with lots of of vibrant colors adorning everything in my open eyed field of vision. It seems to instill a sort of hallucinatory light, with bright colorful glows and auras around everything. The visuals are fairly detailed and the imagery forms as tendrils and patterns and pareidolia, reminiscent of psychedelics. It has a sort of ‘cyberpunk’ character and it would be a fun drug character to take at a dark club or festival or show, and it would be super interesting to see how it does in combination with other drugs. Overall, it is a short and at times fairly lucid and clean experience lacking in stimulation or euphoria or weight, but with a good degree of physical dissociation and vibrant and intense colorful, flashy visuals.