Greater Mind Lesser Body
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Cut the tan powder into a line and snort it. I was expecting the nightmares of the other members of this family I had the displeasure of consuming (DPT and 4-HO-DPT), where large piles of the chalky and retchingly bitter stinging powder had to be sucked down. Those ones dosed in the 70-100 mg range. At only 25 mg, this was a modest amount of powder to consume and was proportionally less uncomfortable. Stings a little, doesn’t have as much of that “powder cloud” effect that would coat my sinuses like the others. The bitter flavor is noticeably less intense, though this may just be because of the amount.
Feeling a bit light and wavy with tingling in my extremities. This would perhaps be described as the onset. No other effects noted so far.
Feel a bit of discomfort now, but overall, the effects aren’t too strong yet. There is a wicked twisting feeling inside of me, in my abdomen and in my muscles. My limbs begin to feel restless and shaky.
I am shaking a lot now and clenching my jaw, it feels like the world is twisting around me. I was expecting it to be more intense at this point and considered redosing but I figure I should wait it out a little more. Even the body load isn’t even especially bad at this point, just fairly standard.
Uh oh, it’s coming on much stronger now, very suddenly. I feel greater physical discomfort with the burgeoning trip, it is a looming discomfort like a reaper standing over me, gutting me. I am stricken with sudden nausea and abdominal cramps and my muscles are being whipped by flares of energy.
Despite the discomfort, this is simultaneously exciting and exhilarating. There are bright flashes of light and color at the edges of my vison while seemingly random forms drift around my field of vision, leaving crisscrossed tracers behind them. It’s like an intricate rollercoaster of visuals, shifting and soaring and racing with momentum and energy, cascading onto my tortured body. I cannot help but grin in the face of this sudden intensity, like the simultaneous excitement and panic that comes with being caught in a sudden and severe storm.
It courses through me, nerve zaps blasting through my extremities. I am shaking so much that typing is difficult. It’s suddenly so powerful and all consuming. I’m glad I did not try to redose. I feel articulate and capable and competent yet entirely incapacitated. The visuals are flowery and blossoming, interspersed with forms reminiscent of seashells made of tiny iridescent cells. I find myself prone to intense fits of invasive introspection, like my consciousness is aggressively being probed by some autonomous extension of my mind. All I can do is lie there and ride along with it.
The closed eyed visuals amplify the aforementioned energy and momentum that are driving the trip. They are like riding a wild and twisting roller coaster through tunnels of glowing concentric lights. I am unbelievably physically uncomfortable right now, all I can do is writhe and twist while the trip lurks over me. Yet it is at once so exciting, it is a productive fire lit under my mind, warming it into clarity, lapping at it and massaging it with a deep and primal and logical euphoria.
I feel sappy and sentimental, sweaty and swirly. This whole trip is warm, like a womb. Despite the continuing discomfort I feel safe and cradled and warm, a wildness thrashing and raging outside of my bubble. I want to think about people, feel what they feel and understand how they are forming their thoughts and emotions. It has heightened my sense of empathy, I want to see the world through others’ eyes. I am thinking a great deal about familial relations and the interactions I have with other people. I am still pretty uncomfortable, and I have just been browsing on the internet for like an hour, observing and interacting with whatever catches my fancy. The sensory effects still fight onwards, though they have begun to fade into the background by now.
The introspective and analytical thoughts that I have been having about the world around me and the people around me have turned completely inwards, towards myself, thinking about myself and the way my thoughts and feelings form and propagate. This substance is immensely therapeutically and introspectively stimulating.
Thinking about myself and how I appear, I feel as though I would feel hot and attractive right now were it not also for the physical discomfort that still wracked me. I am swirly and flushed and I feel lush and sweaty.
I’ve just been pointlessly browsing my news feed for the past hour, I hate how much fresh and desirable content it offers that I’ve tailored to fit my needs it’s an endless and fucked up cycle of constant information flow. I haven’t done anything particularly productive this entire time, just like most other times I am existing.
I have mostly been lying on my bed now, twisting around, meditating, and sinking into whatever position feels most comfortable for the time being. I begin to come to realizations about how my thought processes and emotional processes operate- one time my partner asked me about the paradox between my stating that my life feels destined to be short and finite, that my death at my own hands is soon and inevitable, and my lifestyle of always striving to create memories, my desire to have something to look back on one day and feel satisfied about- what is the purpose of that if I otherwise feel as though there will be no later date with which I can ruminate on my memories? The striving to make memories is a struggle against the background base state of a finite life, which always eventually overtakes as the mindset at the forefront of my thoughts. It’s a dialectical cyclical struggle, always in flux, one state always forming into each other, both contradictions averaging out to exist dialectically and simultaneously, it is me blindly casting forward into the dark and maybe the rest of me can follow the paths it lights, before that dark inevitable and instantly consumes it again. Sorry enough rambling…
I’m in a state where I’m thinking a lot and want to learn a lot really fast. Most of the discomfort has faded by now, or perhaps I’ve just managed to get used to it. I feel articulate and it feels like my thoughts are flowing productively despite the fact that I’ve wasted the last few hours doing nothing. I want to force myself to be productive, to learn something or consume some new and carefully crafted media, or at least something not carefully crafted for my immediate and careless consumption. Something to make the night and the experience more worthwhile.
I feel emotionally raw and vulnerable- guided therapy would probably be very productive and useful in this state. Particularly by this time, when the intensity of the other effects has tapered down to a more manageable level and I can truly focus on the cognitive and emotional effects. Much of the content I see online now is funny and fills me with mirth. I decide to take a gravity bong hit.
An internet tangent soon leads me down an internet hole where I want to lean all the basics about how thunderstorms form and function. I had originally planned to watch an anime that I heard very good things about, as part of consuming some stimulating media (ok I’m a fucking nerd I know), but spent the next hour ravenously reading information about lightning and thunderstorms, and all the necessary background knowledge (like a refresher on how electricity in general works). I feel like the state my mind was in allowed me to form conclusions and analogies from what I was reading and to translate them and structure them into being compatible with my own thought processes in a way that allowed me to readily repeat them. This was deep, effective, and efficient learning. This truly felt like a miracle drug, were it not for the thrashing it gave my body.
Mostly just cruising in the residual afterglow- it feels like relaxing tentatively in a raft after being rescued from a flash flood, gently bobbing above the chaos and intensity that I had been subjected to moments ago. It feels like the afternoon sun is warming my body as I bask in the lingering effects. Still have a desire to learn about and engage in things. Something I noted was that there wasn’t much of that odd esoteric alien weirdness that came with the other DPT analogues. This one was purely introspective, it was centered around me and my real experiences rather than the eerie and looming “other” that stalked my experiences with DPT and 4-HO-DPT.
Mostly down, residual stimulation. Smoke some more weed and it just eases me into a state of being stoned rather than flaring the drug black up. Play videogames for the next few hours.
Down enough to go to sleep now. Up a bit in the dark thinking but I eventually phase out.
Conclusion / Aftermath
This substance is miraculously mentally stimulating. It feels as though it has boundless potential for introspection, therapy, learning, and analytical thinking. It is a gentle fire that warms the mind and activate it into a higher state of functionality. It allows me to take in information and coherently translate it into some form that is highly compatible with my thought processes. The only drawback was a heavy and intense bodyload. Compared to DPT and 4-HO-DPT, this is substantially friendlier to dose. The amount of powder is modest and manageable and it doesn’t cause nearly as much discomfort. Also relative to DPT and 4-HO-DPT, this doesn’t carry the same sense of some sentient “other” guiding with or lurking within the trip. This was rational, logical and completely anchored in my self and my own experience. There was no novel and esoteric machinations intersperse among it like its other family members.