T0:50
(I stopped keeping time for a while here)
I feel weightless, I feel like I am floating around my room. Closed eye visuals are astral and spectacular, with scenes of floating through stars or other beautiful spaces. The CEV’s are cartoony and oversaturated in appearance, and not really patterned as much as they are an intricate assortment of random shapes. All of the letters on the screen appear to be at different depths. Moving around the room begins to feel so automatic that it feels like some invisible force is pulling me around on a rope.
My computer looks tiny and the open eyed visuals shift to the appearance of some sort of grey wind blowing around me, it is a feeling I get from dissociatives where it feels like I am being blasted in the face with a hose. I get an eerie feeling of another presence in the room that usually only comes from DXM… I feel like dancing, and dance around my room. The only thoughts I can even remotely piece together are along the lines of “Holy shit this is stronger than I expected and its not letting up!” and “Wow its wild I just threw some powder in my mouth and now look where I am” I am lying on my floor looking at the ceiling, watching the forms of my room bubble up and flow around me, the ceiling looking like a swirling river, just thinking “wow I’m so fucked up this feels like a dream.”
I feel like I am made of clay, I am very weightless but lack muscle control and my limbs are subject to gravity. I feel soft and squishy. I feel like I am being washed over by waves that smooth out and dissolve my form. It is like a current is flowing around me, dragging me around, as the trip becomes more and more intense it is like I am being pulled out to sea and sinking under, I have to remind myself to breathe (I am definitely still breathing autonomically but it feels like I have to do it consciously), and this only increases the feeling. If I close my eyes it literally just feels like I’m swimming with cold currents streaming around me, it's wonderful.
This feels a lot like MXE, it feels like a total adventure, but it also feels a lot flatter and heavier, lacking the lightness and giddiness and euphoria of MXE, and just being a wild ride. I feel like I was pretty in a hole at many points. Perhaps the most prominent was when I began to sort through my memories of a recent vacation to Italy with my parents a week before. I relived all the memories in vivid detail that could only be read and told through feeling and essence, not simply rebuilt from the aesthetic phenomena I experienced. It was the same thoughts and emotions I felt while I was there, but it felt so 3rd person, it was like I was in a theater watching a 1st person film not made from sound or image but from feeling, the amount of light, the weather of the day, my parents moods, my own moods, the color of the sky, the way the air smelled how it looked, or the way the oppressive sun beat down on so many stark ancient things, my heart rate and the people I thought about and the books I read and a multimedia memory experience (or maybe play told through my point of view would be more appropriate?) I began to notice I was coming down when I could not only easily shift out of these strange transfers to memories or subconscious worlds, but was also unable to return to them.
