Dragged Out To Sea
|Name||Dosage||Route of Administration|
Heartbroken and depressed as hell and feeling reckless for no real reason, it was the first day of school and I just had this capsule and I wanted to dis out that night because I had a late class the next day.
Starting to feel lightheaded, dizzy, numb.
Beginning to pick up, feel a sorta warmth like with DXM.
Suddenly hit with a sort of dissociative rush, can really feel myself drawing away from my body almost as if my essence is slowly being tugged from it, my movements get that automatic wobbly feeling that is so familiar with dissociatives.
I am seeing the letters on my screen in double vision, I have to keep one eye closed to read them. It is like my vision shifts between 6 angles forming a cube around me, for example if I look down on my hands from an angle my view will instead look like I am hovering directly above my hands, and I do not feel the connection between myself and them, its as if I am commanding these foreign objects to type with my mind.
(I stopped keeping time for a while here)
I feel weightless, I feel like I am floating around my room. Closed eye visuals are astral and spectacular, with scenes of floating through stars or other beautiful spaces. The CEV’s are cartoony and oversaturated in appearance, and not really patterned as much as they are an intricate assortment of random shapes. All of the letters on the screen appear to be at different depths. Moving around the room begins to feel so automatic that it feels like some invisible force is pulling me around on a rope.
My computer looks tiny and the open eyed visuals shift to the appearance of some sort of grey wind blowing around me, it is a feeling I get from dissociatives where it feels like I am being blasted in the face with a hose. I get an eerie feeling of another presence in the room that usually only comes from DXM… I feel like dancing, and dance around my room. The only thoughts I can even remotely piece together are along the lines of “Holy shit this is stronger than I expected and its not letting up!” and “Wow its wild I just threw some powder in my mouth and now look where I am” I am lying on my floor looking at the ceiling, watching the forms of my room bubble up and flow around me, the ceiling looking like a swirling river, just thinking “wow I’m so fucked up this feels like a dream.”
I feel like I am made of clay, I am very weightless but lack muscle control and my limbs are subject to gravity. I feel soft and squishy. I feel like I am being washed over by waves that smooth out and dissolve my form. It is like a current is flowing around me, dragging me around, as the trip becomes more and more intense it is like I am being pulled out to sea and sinking under, I have to remind myself to breathe (I am definitely still breathing autonomically but it feels like I have to do it consciously), and this only increases the feeling. If I close my eyes it literally just feels like I’m swimming with cold currents streaming around me, it’s wonderful.
This feels a lot like MXE, it feels like a total adventure, but it also feels a lot flatter and heavier, lacking the lightness and giddiness and euphoria of MXE, and just being a wild ride. I feel like I was pretty in a hole at many points. Perhaps the most prominent was when I began to sort through my memories of a recent vacation to Italy with my parents a week before. I relived all the memories in vivid detail that could only be read and told through feeling and essence, not simply rebuilt from the aesthetic phenomena I experienced. It was the same thoughts and emotions I felt while I was there, but it felt so 3rd person, it was like I was in a theater watching a 1st person film not made from sound or image but from feeling, the amount of light, the weather of the day, my parents moods, my own moods, the color of the sky, the way the air smelled how it looked, or the way the oppressive sun beat down on so many stark ancient things, my heart rate and the people I thought about and the books I read and a multimedia memory experience (or maybe play told through my point of view would be more appropriate?) I began to notice I was coming down when I could not only easily shift out of these strange transfers to memories or subconscious worlds, but was also unable to return to them.
I am down enough to sort of function now. I want to interact with some form of media. I go downstairs and try to put on planet earth. This is absurdly difficult. I keep forgetting what I’m doing mid task, I cannot find any of the cords I need to plug in in the big tangle of cords, I still need to keep one eye closed to see and everything looks and feels much farther away than it actually is. After a really dizzying struggle I finally manage to get it to work. I lie trying to watch it but keep spacing out and closing my eyes and falling into a lighter spacier and less coherent CEV space, the narrations in the documentary don’t make sense to me at all but the visuals are pretty amazing and fascinating.
I realize its 4 AM and I need to go to bed. I am still pretty dissociated, with a very wobbly unbalanced walk and a great deal of spaciness and some amnesia. Still light patterned visuals on the walls. I lie in bed for about half an hour before I think I fall asleep, although the now ethereal and foggy and amnesiac CEV space is so dreamlike I honestly can’t tell when I was really asleep.
Conclusion / Aftermath
The next morning I woke up still feeling very dissociated after ~7 hours of sleep. My motor skills are still pretty compromised and I almost fall down the stairs going to class the next day. I feel euphoric and spacey, colors look brighter. This doesn’t wear off until I’ve been awake for about 6 hours.
MXM is an ample substitute for MXE in my opinion. It has slightly shorter duration and the experience itself lacks the inherent euphoria and giddiness, but has that same sense of whimsy, adventure, and motion, and is substantially powerful. To note however: About a month later after the MXE ban my dealer and I both went back to our doses of MXM and found them to be a degree less potent than before.