I drink the vial of psilocybin mushroom extract tincture, it tastes strongly of vodka.

I’m already feeling a warm fuzzy body high and slight cognitive suppression. My vision looks subtly different somehow but its hard to pinpoint in what way.

My right index finger started doing this thing where it begins rapidly bouncing up and down by itself. It’s been such a long time that I completely forgot that this usually happens when I trip. I’m feeling stimulated and physically euphoric so I decide to go out for a bike ride while I wait to fully come up.

I notice I’m feeling my first bit of nausea just as I leave the house.

As soon as I’m outside I immediately start getting introspection about my ex and my immigration to this country. I start riding my bike towards a local park and notice that the world seems even more beautiful than usual. Once I stop to rest and sit on a bench I start feeling very nauseous. My body-high is now pretty distinct, there are very subtle colors on the back of my eyelids, and I’m noticing patterns and textures more than usual. I’m getting stomach bloating and feel like I might vomit

I’m getting extremely analytical thoughts about everything i see. I feel as if my cultural filter is suppressed and that I’m seeing the world through less biased eyes. I begin noticing countless “little” things such as homeless people, the smell of fried chicken, air pollution, society, and technology. The acknowledgement of these things which I would usually ignore results in an intense state of pondering and analysis. I decide to head back home because of the sheer amount of people is a little overwhelming.

I just arrived home, I’m suddenly feeling A LOT higher. I’m getting distinct geometry, cognitive suppressions, its harder to function, and objects look as if they are warping. I attempt to play Portal 2 and find that the jokes are incredibly funny and that the game seems extremely immersive. However, I pretty quickly realise that I am tripping way too hard to play this and turn it off.

I begin seeing substantial amounts of geometry, I feel even more depersonalized than usual and feel very disconnected from my body. I decide to lay down in bed with my girlfriend.

I’m getting lost in intense geometry, conceptual thoughts, and memory replays from both the last few days and from pretransition. I’m listening to Regina Spektor and she sounds like some sort of beautiful cosmic goddess.

The effects are lessening in their intensity and I’m clearly past my peak at this point. I spent what felt like hours lost in geometry and highly vivid daydreams or low-level internal hallucinations. I spent a lot of time being forced to analyze my relationship with my ex, the death of my father, my urge to reproduce, my new job, and my current relationships with my girlfriend’s. There was a surprising lack of cosmic or spiritual thoughts which I usually get on psychedelics, but instead my brain focused more on my life in general and it’s interpersonal relationships. I feel very refreshed and mentally reinvigorated.

I’m highly sedated at this point but also gurning for some reason. I can’t stop getting lost in highly vivid daydreams, most of which are not particularly exciting memory replays such as revisiting the date I had with that guy the other night as if I were actually there. Snuggling my girlfriend is highly arousing, my whole body feels euphoric and I get extremely turned on but I’m far too sedated to have sex and cannot begin to focus. I notice that I’m starting to get come down symptoms and feel slightly anxious.

I was feeling very on edge so I slathered my naked body in lavender essential oils and now feel normal again. My back hurts a little which often happens on psychedelics. I’m completely sober at this point.

The next day i felt very mentally reinvigorated. My thoughts felt clearer, my anxieties were gone, and my kava withdrawals that I have been undergoing for the past week or so were almost entirely absent. I felt as if my brain had been defragged and that I could appreciate my life to a greater extent.